My First Date Post Break Up with Ex-Boyfriend AKA I don't want to date a Salsa Dancer

After my break-up with the Ex, I decided to accept a lunch date with a guy who we will call Clueless, however the lunch date was changed to a dinner date at my request because I was heading down the coast on the weekend with my fellow Pelt girls Miss J and Miss D.


I was very nervous getting ready for my date, I must of had four or five glasses of wine in between removing the curlers from hair and applying my make up. I also forgot to charge my phone so when I left the house I discovered that I had one bar of battery left. This led to me having a bit of a panic that he would not be able to find the resturaunt and my phone would die so he would not be able to contact me etc. In retrospect I really should not have been so nervous...

I turned off my phone to save the battery and turned it back on when I got into the city. I found I had a message from Clueless saying that he would call me when he got to the restaurant. So I waited on a seat nearby the restaurant..... and waited and waited and waited and waited some more. He was about 40 minutes late by the time I recieved another message from him saying that he was late (well duh!) and would be another at least another 20 minutes. So I waited and waited and finally he called and told me he was lost. (Thankfully my phone battery lasted the entire time - yay Nokia).

When I found him I was a bit annoyed at the lateness, but he at least apologised and said he was late because he was trying to find parking for his motorcycle so I was polite and friendly and took him to the restaurant. When I got a good look at what he was wearing I was not impressed. Really who turns up to a first date in an old football jersey and ripped jeans that looked like they time travelled from 1983?

The restaurant was Chinese (it is in fact the best chinese place in Brisbane and I will write about it one day), so I assumed like every time I have been to an Chinese place with anyone that we would pick some dishes and share them (after all they are pretty big dishes). However that is exactly what we didn't do. I even offered for him to try some of my dish and he said no I won't have room for it because I have like an entire duck to eat. And yes boys girls that is what he did, he ate an entire duck in front of me.
The conversation at first was pleasant, with the normal "getting to know you better" chit chat. However it wasn't long before I started compiling a list of the top 5 things you should not say on a first date:

5. After riding my motorcycle I smell really bad and they told me I have to a shower now when I get to work.


4. I moved towns so I could pursue my love of salsa dancing. Salsa salsa salsa salsa and more about salsa.


3. My boss is gay and he told me he wants to fuck me.


2. I only have one friend. He goes to salsa class with me. Salsa salsa salsa salsa salsa.


1. I have another date tomorrow morning.


Anyway after dinner we went to the Treasury Casino and started to drink. I could already tell that I was not going to want to see this guy again, but I really wanted to make sure before I called it a night and I didn't mind having a drinking buddy. Even if he was a buddy who couldn't stop talking about salsa salsa salsa. Cut to me making the eye sex with other guys when Clueless was at the bar and really wishing I could have run off with sexy irish boy who came over and started chatting to me.


We kept drinking and then I decided it was time to go when I checked the time and saw it was almost 3 in the morning (time flies when you are drinking smirnoff blacks). He wanted to stay out still and I was feeling like I needed more food after all the alcohol (unlike some people I didn't eat an entire duck) so I said lets go get Newyork Pizza. We ate pizza, which he complained about (fucking tourist) and then headed for a cab. To my surprise he said he was going to ride home. And no I don't find guys who spend all night drinking and then decide ride their motorcylce home in wet weather attractive. It sucks, it's stupid, and you could kill yourself and someone else. So I told him I was suprised and he responded and said I could come home with you. To which I said I don't think going straight to another date from spending the night at a girls house is good form and yeah it's not going to happen.


I hugged him jumped in a cab and had a really good drunken chat with the cab driver (no salsa talk at all which was a relief). When I got home I was drunk and felt good. I had gone on my first date post the break up, and I was going to the beach with my girls in less than 6 hours.

The following monday I recieved a rather long message from Clueless where he proceded to be "brutally honest" (as he called it) and analyse our date. And this message is where he got the name Clueless...
First of all it sounded like he was quoting from a dating or relationships book. He said I was surprised when he paid for dinner and that traditionally a man pays for dinner on the first date. But I seemed to not mind paying for dinner and drinks so that told him I wanted equality in the relationship and not a dominate partner.

He said I was a very open person and that I made eye contact which said that trust was important to me (argh that bit made me vomit in my mouth a little bit), and that he hopes that I will ask him more questions so that he can open up too. I did ask this dude questions, if I wasn't asking the right questions then he could have just come out and said what was on his mind. A guy who eats an entire duck in front of you can't be that shy.

He then said because I talked about sex he thought it was a lure (the story I told was about how TE broke up with me the eighth time, wasn't really a sex story more like a no sex story..you will read this tale soon enough...I know it's not good to be talking about the ex on a date but he was the one who asked about my last relationship and why we broke up). He told me he was gentlemen because he wanted to stare at my boobs but forced himself to make eye contact when he did start staring at them.

He then said I would have taken him home if he had not had another date the next day, and that he would have sex with me in a heart beat and that any red blooded male would want to have sex with me. Oh and my favourite "you seem like a very sexually active person".

Then he went off on some tangent about wanting to take flying lessons, because he wanted me to know where "he was heading in life" or some shit.

So hence the name Clueless...I mean really if he had even one clue about women, he would have known a message like that might seem really off putting and make him look like a wanker. Not to mention it sounded a lot desperate. I don't know much about anything but I know a woman likes to be chased a little, not hounded.

He made the mistake however of asking me to be "brutally honest" about the date in return. So in my response I told him that I did not want to sleep with him. I wasn't nasty...much.
Did not receive a response back though....guess I bruised his smelly salsa dancing ego. lol

Cheers
GM